Amazon first opened up its Kindle Direct Publishing in 2007. Since then authors have had 12+ years to publish anything they want to write as Kindle book. And to be sure there are some strange and downright weird titles among the 3 million books now available on Kindle. We have poured over the massive collection to find oddest and most bizarre of titles of all time. If you’re a fan of drool and strange books, then these are keepers. And here are the top 10 in no particular order:
Mike Bence Pounded In The Butt By His Handsome Werefly
Did you know there’s a genre of absurd erotic romance? We didn’t either. Chuck Tingle is the master of the genre. In this novel US Vice President Mike Bence isn’t looking forward to the debates. During the debates a fly begins to crawl through his hair on live television. After the debate ends twitter explodes with fly comments, and Mike Bence back in his dressing room receives a visit from the fly who has shifted into human form. Yes, he’s a werefly. The two of them immediately find themselves wrapped up a hardcore gay encounter. Get ready for sizzling human on werefly action.
How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? By Hiroyuki Nishigaki
Title: How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
Author: Hiroyuki Nishigaki
Publisher: Writer’s Showcase Press, Publication Date: 2000
Are you a depressed old man? Looking to feel young again? Well, according to the author, all you need to do is constrict your anus and dent your naval 100 times each day, and you will be cured. As proof, the author tells a riveting story of a 70-year-old man who practiced anal constriction every day for 20 years. Both the book and the practice will be hit at your next dinner party.
“If you enjoy the truly outlandish, this is an excellent place to start.” – Amazon Review by Robert H.
People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It by Gary Leon Hill
Title: People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It
Author: Gary Leon Hill
Publisher: Weiser Books, Publication Date: 2005
Author Gary Leon Hill’s aunt and uncle used to counsel dead spirits who took up residence in bodies that didn’t belong to them. Now Gary is here to teach you how to kick out unwanted spirits from the living bodies of your loved ones. He also explores the work of “scientists” who study life after death.
“Scared the crap out of myself when I read it – But I couldn’t stop. Worthwhile read.” – Amazon Review by Lasttrain2Dagenham
“This book deserves five stars for nutty chutzpah and one star for sensibleness. It owes its editorial existence to the huge market that exists for nut-case writing aimed at the naive and ignorant.” – Amazon Review by Kent Ponder
How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer
Title: How to Avoid Huge Ships
Author: John W. Trimmer
Publisher: Cornell Maritime Press, Publication Date: 1993
After watching the Titanic, we’ve all probably wondered at some point, “How can I avoid being on a giant sinking ship?” But this book does not cover that topic. It teaches you how to avoid getting hit by a slow moving 1,200 foot long, 160 foot tall container ship. Yes, these massive ships are lurking and you need to learn to avoid them. Truth be told, if you are a small sailboat, you do need to learn how to not get in the way of these ships that are so huge they look like floating cities. And so John W. Trimmer is your avoidance guide. While the book is probably helpful to small time sailors it has become a massive joke on the internet for its general absurdness.
One Amazon review comments: “This is not a bad entry in the series, but you will be confused if you have not read:
How to Avoid Rowboats and Kayaks
How to Avoid Sailboats
Tugboats and You: Just Say No
So You Just Hit a Barge…
Dodging Schooners for Fun and Profit
Work your way up, and then get the sequel: “Don’t let the Aircraft Carrier Land on You!”” – Amazon Review by Eric H
Another remarks, “I read an earlier book by this author titled ” How To Avoid Sylvester Stallone ” about eight years ago and so far it has worked like a charm! Not one single Sly encounter! Very optimistic about this release.” – Amazon Reviewer
The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification by Julian Montague
Title: The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification
Author: Julian Montague
Publisher: Harry N. Abrams, Publication Date: 2006
If we’re being honest with ourselves, nobody really cares about shopping carts except for one person. Julian Montague’s love for shopping carts is too big to keep to himself. So he has created an utterly pointless book, accompanied by photos, of shopping carts outside of their natural habitat. Montague has also created an elaborate classification system of abandoned shopping carts.
“The attention to detail and overly elaborate classification system make this a terrific read.” – Amazon Review by Cody
“Prefect coffee table book and conversation piece. Never ceases to entertain. And trust me, you WILL find yourself trying to identify shopping carts when you see them!” – Amazon Review by JMad
Why Cats Paint: A Theory of Feline Aesthetics by Heather Busch
Title: Why Cats Paint: A Theory of Feline Aesthetics
Authors: Heather Busch and Burton Silver
Publisher: Ten Speed Press, Publication Date: 1994
Can cat’s paint? You bet they can! And this book takes feline painting seriously and even attempts to elevate it to an art form by applying museum-like analysis to the cat “artists” featured in these pages. It focuses on several masters in the field and discusses their style, technique, influences and background. But let’s be clear: monkeys and dogs also paint and they only reason they don’t have books about their work is, well, they are just not as self-important as cats. This book is the purrfect gift for cat lovers and cat haters.
“The writing is laugh out loud funny, very clever book and the photos are wonderful too. If you’re an artist, appreciate art and love cats too, this makes a great coffee table book.” – Amazon Review by Dotstvn
“I love this! It is very insightful and fun! I think about trying to get my kitty to paint, but when I glance up from the book at her she just gives me a pointed glare that warns she doesn’t like to have messy paws.” – Amazon Review by Jacob
Extreme Ironing by Phil Shaw
Title: Extreme Ironing
Author: Phil Shaw
Publisher: New Holland Australia, Publication Date: 2003
Rock climbing? Skydiving? Foil boarding on 50-foot waves? Running with the bulls? Those are so not extreme enough. According to Phil Shaw, extreme ironing is the world’s newest adrenalin sport. Enter the deeply satisfying sport of pressed clothing. The author isn’t making all this up either. In 2002, the first Extreme Ironing World Championships was held in Munich. The event brought street cred to sport of ironing. See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlpH–l7KfE
“This book has inspired me to elevate my ironing game to the next level.” – Amazon Review by Matthew Wright
“Before I read this book, I was just your average guy who wanted to spend more time mountain climbing but couldn’t because I had so much ironing I needed to do. Then a friend recommended Extreme Ironing. This book captures the perfect marriage between extreme sports and ironing. Now I can get my thrills while sporting a nicely pressed shirt, like our Founding Fathers intended.” – Amazon Review by Tim
Drugs Masquerading as Foods: Deliciously Killing American-Afrikans and All Peoples by Suzar
Title: Drugs Masquerading as Foods: Deliciously Killing American-Afrikans and All Peoples
Author: Suzar|
Publisher: A-Kar Productions, Publication date, 1999
This nutritional treatise is a sort of reference book that goes deep on the hazards of fruits, vegetables, spices, liquids, vitamins, meats, grains, and processed foods. Author Suzar explains in detail that almost all foods common in our diet are really drugfoods that lead to illness. Marijuana, however, seems to have no ill effects on our body and is not considered a drug by Suzar. Hmm? Ready for an eye-opening account of what your diet is doing to you?
How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men by Adam Quan
Title: How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men
Author: Adam Quan
Publisher: Asian World Press Ltd. (November 2002)
Wait. What? There’s a guide for dating white women? As a white man I’ve been trying to figure this one out for years. And my lesbian friends don’t seem to fare much better than me with white women. I can’t wait to learn the secret. Oh wait…the advice is only for Asian men.
Learning to Play with a Lion’s Testicles: Unexpected Gifts From the Animals of Africa by Melissa Haynes
Title: Learning to Play with a Lion’s Testicles: Unexpected Gifts from the Animals of Africa
Author: Melissa Haynes
Publisher: Behler Publications, Publication Date: 2013
You probably thought it was fun, or at least funny, to play with your friend’s dog’s nuts. And the dog probably enjoyed it too. But touch a lion’s nuts the wrong way, and the feral beast might kill you, then eat you. If you’re ready to up your nut-fondling game, author Melissa Haynes is your guide.
Be Bold With Bananas by The Banana Control Board
Title: Be Bold with Bananas
Author: Banana Control Board
Publisher: Muller & Retief, Publication Date: 1974
We’re not really sure how you can be bolder with a banana than simply peeling it and sticking it in your mouth at work and eating it, while your coworkers turn away and think, “Nobody wants to watch you eat a banana.” But this book promises greater boldness with the yellow, phallic fruit!
For more odd books on Amazon see: 30 Totally Weirdest Books on Amazon.com
If you’re ready to strike out on a wierd reading adventure, pick up one of the books above. If you’re looking for your good book, you can find an almost endless selections of free kindle books at JustKindleBooks.com.
